20 Signs an Affair Is Turning Into Love

Did you plan to have an affair with someone, and what you currently feel for them is more than lust? You might be in love and not aware of this reality yet.

Sometimes, people develop a strong emotional attachment to the person they are cheating with for many reasons. It might be difficult to manage your present partner and the third party when this happens. In this article, you will learn about the clear signs an affair is turning into love.

How can you tell when an affair is true love?

Someone who had an affair and fell in love most likely experienced this because the cheating partner filled in the gaps that their present partner failed to do. Hence, you can tell an affair is true love when you realize that your cheating partner is playing the role of a genuine lover and partner.

Can an affair transform into lasting love?

An affair can become long-lasting love when both parties are in love and are ready to do right by each other. This often happens when the person being cheated with seems to outperform the present partner.

You might get confused if you are really in love or not. Clinical Psychologist Sol Gordon’s book titled: How Can You Tell if You’re Really in Love offers a checklist for anyone who doubts whether they are really in love with someone.  

20 clear signs that an affair is turning into true love

If you are having an affair and feel that there might be something more to it, you might be in love. It might not have been your intention to fall in love, but it happens before your eyes. Here are some signs an affair is turning into love:

1. You think about them almost every time

One of the signs an affair is getting serious is when they are always on your mind. Does it feel that you are drawn to them by the minute? It means that something more intimate is building up, and it might not be an affair in the nearest future.

If you are beginning to fall in love with someone, it would be impossible to take them off your mind no matter how hard you try. 

Anytime you think about the person with whom you are having an affair, you get butterflies in your bellies. However, it becomes short-lived because you become sad and start to wonder if it is right to feel that way or not.

2. You compare them with your partner

If your affair is turning into love, you will notice that you keep comparing them to your partner. This is one of the reasons why people keep finding faults in their partner because there is another person in the picture.

As you draw closer to the person you’re having an affair with, your partner becomes more irritating to you. You will begin to paint your partner in another light because you’re beginning to prefer the other person.

Related Reading: 10 Reasons You Should Never Compare Relationships or Your Partner

3. You want to spend more time with them

When affairs turn to love, you will discover that you prefer spending more time with them than any other person.

In the past, you only meet up with the person because of the excitement and thrills of the affair. However, things are no longer the same because you feel something different when you think of spending time with them.

4. You begin to become more conscious of your looks

After noticing the signs your affair partner loves you, you will start putting more effort into how you look. This doesn’t mean that you were not conscious of it before. 

An obsession with your looks means that you want to always leave a good impression anytime you meet them. Therefore, looking good and self-care becomes a big priority. This is one of the signs an affair is turning into love.

Related Reading: How Much Do Looks Matter in a Relationship?

5. You are not close to your partner as before

If you have asked questions like do emotional affairs turn into love, it is when you notice that the intimacy between you and your partner has reduced. 

If you are in love with an affair partner, you will notice an emotional gap in your present relationship, but you are not enthusiastic about solving this problem. Instead, you are fixated on what your affair has to offer.

6. You feel that the other person understands you more

When looking out for the signs your affair is turning into love is after noticing that the other person seems to understand you more than your partner.

This will make you and your partner have frequent misunderstandings because it would look like the other individual has peeked into your brain and know everything about you.

Hence, you will be more drawn to the other person than your partner because it looks like you have many things in common.

7. You discuss your partner with the person

It is best to keep some details about your partner to yourself instead of divulging them when it comes to relationships. However, if you are having an affair and falling in love, you will discover that you are talking to them too often about your partner.

For instance, if you have a fallout with your partner, you will tell the other person. And you will expect them to take sides with you because of what exists between the two of you.

8. You communicate more with them

When they are having an affair, most people try to tone down their communication because they don’t want to get caught. However, one of the signs an affair is turning into love is when you contact them more often than usual.

You are missing the person with whom you are having an affair and you want to know how they are doing. At this point, you are already emotionally attached to them, and you can’t do without communicating with them.

9. It becomes more difficult to focus

If you are newly in love with someone, you might find it more difficult to concentrate, reducing productivity.

It would be challenging for you to get productive with other aspects of your life because your affair is slowly turning into your new love interest. Therefore, if all you keep thinking about is the next time you see them, it is one of the signs an affair is turning into love.

10. You begin to create a future with them

When an affair is in play, it comes with a short-term focus. There’s usually no plan to make it a long-term relationship except in rare cases.

The moment you begin to plan a future with the person you’re having an affair with, you might be falling in love. This means that you no longer see yourself and your partner together in the future. 

You are on the verge of falling in love with your cheating partner. Therefore, when an alternate future has been created in your mind, it is one of the signs an affair is turning into love.

11. You and your partner have more conflicts

One of the vital signs an affair is turning into love is when you observe that you and your partner have more misunderstandings than before. This usually happens when your mind is fixated on another person.

In this context, since you are cheating with someone and you are about to fall in love, you are more focused on what the future holds for you. Hence, you will get more disinterested in what your present partner offers.

Related Reading: 15 Relationship Conflict Patterns & Common Causes

12. You’re happier with your cheating partner

Anytime you are around the person you are cheating with, you will feel happier with them than with your present partner. This is one of the signs an affair is turning into love.

If you are with your present partner, you won’t feel thrilled, and you will look forward to when you leave their presence. On the other hand, you will be happy even if you feel guilty when having an affair.

13. You hide everything about the person from your partner

One of the ways or signs an affair is turning into love is when you are reluctant to let your partner know what is going on.

When you feel that your partner does not deserve to know that there is someone in your life who is a possible competitor, you might fall in love with them.

If you are hiding your relationship from your partner, you might be having an affair that might turn into love.

Related Reading: How Much Privacy in a Relationship Is Acceptable?

14. Your intimacy with your partner declines

If you are having an affair and falling in love, you will notice that you are no longer intimate with your partner. When your partner makes some advances, you will be reluctant to reciprocate because your feelings for them have reduced.

You might want to oblige sometimes so that they don’t suspect that something is going on. However, you will rarely make a move on them.

Related Reading: Top 5 Most Common Reasons Why Couples Stop Having Sex

Check out this video by Relationship Therapist Esther Peel if you are looking for another way to understand infidelity in relationships:

15. You have lots of their media files in your gallery

When it comes to affairs that turn into love, you will notice the volume of their pictures and videos in your gallery.

You will discover that you are going through their pictures and videos because you miss them. When checking their media files, you always do it when your partner is not physically present so that you don’t give your affair away.

16. You stalk them on social media

If you are looking for examples of affairs that turn into love, you will discover that you keep monitoring their activities online. You will find yourself interacting with or engaging in their social media posts.

It might not be an issue for you if your partner notices because you can deny their fears and instead tell them that they are your online friends. The primary reason why you are all over their social media is that an emotional connection has been created.

17. You try to appear perfect before seeing them

When searching the signs your affair partner loves you or vice versa, you will notice that you take extra details in dressing anytime you want to see them. You want to appear perfect so that they won’t get tired of being with you.

This also means that you have pictured a future for yourself as partners. Hence, you don’t want to ruin this moment by not appearing in a great form.

18. You start dreaming and fantasizing about them

If you are in love with someone, you will dream about them regularly. Also, you will fantasize about what the two of you will be doing together. 

If you are in an affair with someone, and it keeps happening, it’s no longer a usual affair. An emotional connection has been established between the two of you. It would not be long before you start professing your love to them.

19. You tell them more personal details

Everyone generally is reluctant to be vulnerable with people except if they are special in your life. Hence, when you notice that you begin to divulge personal details with the person you are having an affair with, you might be falling in love.

When you tell them personal details, you begin to feel intimate with them. As you discuss more personal details with them, the number of conversations with your present partner will reduce.

20. You don’t mind if your partner cheats too

Another way to know when an affair becomes love is when you’re indifferent if your partner cheats or not. At this point, almost every emotional connection you have with your partner has been severed.

You enjoy the love, care, and attention your cheating partner gives you. Therefore, you see no good reason to be with your present partner.

You are considering leaving them for the person you are cheating with from the looks of things.

Final thoughts

After reading this post on the signs an affair is turning into love, you now know what you are experiencing if you are cheating with someone.

If you are confused at this point, you need to evaluate the relationships in your life and make a decision that will be fair to both parties. Consider seeing a relationship counselor or enrolling in a relationship and dating class to learn more.